i feel like a meme

My life is one big massive joke and I feel like a meme. Or maybe a meme about hiatus because that’s where I've been since last time. You know those dogs you see staring straight at the camera on tumblr, and they look so done, and they seem to be staring straight into your soul, and you feel like they just fundamentally get you – since half term has started, that is exactly how I feel.

Plus, I just got into Bad Blood by tSwizzle after my friend showed me the video last week (thanks a lot the top 40 you have ruined my rep for being super cool which may or may not have existed before that music video), and when I went to Spotify to add it to my 255 song (and growing) playlist, I was reminded that she mugged off Spotify and I was left to listen to other music. But, quite frankly, I am sick of listening to alt-J and Rick Astley. On another note, my favourite Spotify find has got to be the Bratz Rock Angelz soundtrack which sounds like that blue plastic baby food bowl that you found a few months ago and became quite attached to and refused to let your parents throw out even if the chip in the rim was sharp enough to split your thumb open.

I gave myself most of yesterday off from revision (whether this was right or wrong who knows) but I went out the night before and my friend had to be picked up from mine at 9am the next morning. If any parents are reading this, or you grow up to be this kind of parent; DO NOT pick up your daughter at 9am the next day because, despite what her text messages may say, yes she has been drinking and, no she was not in bed by 00:30.

At 01:45 when I was on the 97^th bar of the night, I saw a girl I used to be good friends with before we went to different colleges, and I was hit with a very weird sense of alarm. As she sat on the steps of an estate agents that had closed several hours earlier smoking, and before I was bundled into the bar by my friends, my eyebrows dropped in confusion as she refused to smile or acknowledge my existence at all. How can you burn down bridges and then act like it’s my fault that I don’t come and visit you on that side? I don’t know whether it was the Hooch I’d drank or the 3 cigarettes I had myself smoked, but seeing her messed me up a bit. When The Sun Goes Down just came up on shuffle and I think the opener is quite fitting to this scene; picture a bottle green estate agents on its 78^th coat of thick, dripping paint, with blue fluro lights illuminating the window displays, and fingerprint-stained glass, surrounded by a group of about 20-25 teenagers, and one girl with sunken eyes and long brown hair at the step. So who’s that girl there, I wonder what went wrong so that she had to roam the streets – I'm not sure if this is about me or her. Jesus Christ I hope she never sees this.

However, being physically jumped on by an old friend who’s face you hadn’t seen in weeks, and who is also drunk, high, and three times your size, is warming if not a little bit bone-crushing. And the two boys from your old triple science class who are off their face on MDMA (which is quite the feat because how the hell do you get drugs in a rundown town like this?) are always a nice surprise even if they're just standing with you so they have someone to finish their vodka and coke with.

Imagining taking someone you used to go to school with into a cheap bars toilet, and giving them a blow job is probably a bit unconventional. Maybe you think about them specifically because they at least know your name, or you’ve known them long enough to feel like you're at the stage where you can rip their jeans down to their ankles in haste. Either way; 2 shots, a vodka and lemonade, 500ml of Hooch, a good few slurps on a round of pitchers, 3 cigarettes, and an hour straight dancing to 80s classics, makes you think these things at 02:18am. I have no idea how common or uncommon this is, but at least you can think these things whilst looking at them from across the bar and not worry that they’ll ever know you thought about their dick down your throat (or at least you don’t have to worry about it if you don’t post it on a mediocre blog on the internet). Maybe a meme about being drunk and unaware would be more fitting than a doe-eyed Labrador.

It was a good night out that ended with no sexual activity but with Craig David’s Fill Me In blasting in an average bar in a crappy town. I don’t think I could ever describe what being 18 and going out is like apart from the fact that I enjoy it every now and then. I don’t think I could ever get used to the mini dress and platforms side of it, as I’d much rather stick to doc martens and an unflattering XXL Harrington. But my main tip would be; once you get that £50 provisional drivers licence that you’ll never actually use for driving, get out there and get a few apple sours shots down your pie hole.