all of my pre-uni fears

After a night of reading almost every article under the university tag on The Debrief at 2am last night, I have realised that I'm worried about a lot more things when I go to university than I initially thought. There are the classic worries such as living off Sainsbury’s basics baked beans for 3 years and being friendless until I leave for the summer holidays next year but, as I lay on my bed last night staring at the ceiling, I came to terms with the fact that I may have a few other fears too.

I might actually get homesick

I’m not so bothered about leaving home and my immediate family because I know I’ll never shake them off even if I tried, but I'm really worried about leaving my college friends behind. Last night I found myself frantically looking at train tickets from Manchester to Durham, Sheffield, York, and London all within a few days of each other, planning one massive round trip to see all my friends in about the second week of October after I’d have been at uni for about three weeks. This is probably my most underestimated worry as I always assumed we’d stay in touch due to the ease of sending a WhatsApp message or a brief 10 minute FaceTime call, but when you’re not seeing each other every day it’s just not quite the same is it? I’m pretty sure we’ll find a way to make it work (especially if I have another night like last night but with the danger of a student loan in my bank account and a rail card in my purse) because I’ll definitely need someone aside from my mum to talk to about the cute boy in the flat upstairs.

I'm really worried about getting lost in a new city and having no one to call and ask

When moving to university, the idea of being in a major city with countless things to do and see is, of course, exciting – but how do you get there? And how do you get back at 1:30am with no prior knowledge of the streets? Living in a little town like Colchester is fine because there are about 2 main streets and your mum can always come and pick you up; but at university you need to know where the taxi ports are, how much money you need for a taxi, where your halls are, and lots of other worrying things. Then again it’s probably not realistic for any student to get a taxi unless they're majorly desperate as there is no money left in my allowance after buying 6 shots, some Hooch, and several beers. Also, as a girl, it’s inevitable that I'm unable to walk home even if it is straight forward and could save me about a tenner, because it’s just not safe for me to walk home at 2am on my own – especially in a big city (even if I am wearing Doc Martens). And just to add to this, I can’t call my new flatmates a little panicky because I lost them in Wetherspoons and am now standing in the street outside pretending I'm fine but with no idea where I am or how to get back to my room. You could argue that it’s best just to hit dial when you’re in that position, but this is university and I'm supposed to be independent and all that, and on top of that I have to create a rep for being the super cool, chilled one in our flat so I don’t want to ruin that by calling someone in the early hours on the verge of tears. Looks like I'm going to have to swallow a bit of my pride at some point this winter dunnit.

There's a chance I’ll slip into a bad place

As The Debrief pointed out, university is a breeding ground for depression. I’ll be pretty much on my own, with money worries, and no food in my belly (I mean I’ll make it look good because my wardrobe will be great and I’ll go all sorts of places, but I’ll also be starving). And this is something I’m really worried about. With my course having fewer contact hours, this means that I’ll have more time to excuse myself to huddle in my duvet with a book or watching something on Netflix on my iPad; but this extended isolation isn’t going to do anything for my social life. I have an idea in my head that my future pals and I are going to go out for £2 largers every other night, but then again if I never leave my flat how do I expect to do that? I’m a little worried about getting in the cycle of not leaving my room and not being able to go to a gig or something that I really want to attend just because I’d be on my own. I don’t really want to be texting my little sister like “ha ha yeah me and the flatmates are in the pub sorry about the slow replies !! [beer emoji]” when in reality I can see her messages as soon as they come through, and then two minutes later when the double alert goes off as it buzzes in the mess of my duvet pretzel I've somehow managed to create by being in bed for two days straight without brushing my hair or changing my knickers.

I also may be penniless and alone for the majority of my first year

I never normally make friends really quickly so I’m, of course, worried about that first of all. But also, if I'm unable to find a job pretty speedily, I'm worried about having money troubles on top of this. Luckily I do have a family who can help me if I get really desperate at that taxi port on the other side of town at 2am, but I’m not in the position where they can pay for me to buy new clothes or do a full £65 shop every week. And on top of that, these are my first steps into adulthood and I want to be self-reliant and not have to depend on people so much. Your social life at uni and your bank account go hand in hand and there’s always the worry that I’ll get tempted by gig tickets or that really necessary trip to London and screw things up. I have no idea how to pre-plan for these things as all the previous articles I've ever read all go “budget your meals!! get a unidays card!! take your own coffee to campus!!” and I think I'm just going to wing it the first term and pray that I can get my shit together by term two.