everything you can image is real

As I lie in my bed at my Nan's house surrounded by Roses chocolate wrappers, I try to remind myself that even though I'm having a tough time right now, things are almost certainly going to pick up. I also try to remember a quote by one of my favourite artists (to be honest it doesn't take much to make it onto my "admired artists" list), Pablo Picasso, "everything you can imagine is real". Although I do feel like a bit of a hypocrite as my iPad wallpaper is current a montage of the cut outs from Matisse's late work.

I look forward to receiving my second hand, worn out copy of The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath in the post and having a good cry. As I near the end of Animal Farm and am unable to reach the rest of my books in storage, I am alerted of my need to read something or see something new because looking up Klimt on Google Images is no longer cutting it for me. Also it's gonna run up a huge telephone bill that I just don't want to deal with. I also want to get the new Harper Lee book for my Aunty who's favourite book is TKAMB but I might have to give it a super quick read before I pass it onto her.

I've also ordered some new make up brushes to try and treat myself a little bit because in the last couple of months I have found that wearing a bit more bronzer or playing about with eyeshadow boosts my confidence a little bit. Buying those brushes just takes me one step closer to fulfilling my true calling of being a makeup artist.

In addition to this I look forward to travelling on the train for about 4 hours next weekend to see one of my best friends that I haven't seen for over 2 years and going to his new house and maybe getting a new tattoo and just being in London. I cannot begin to describe how much I enjoy London and all the culture and art available there. I also take a weird sort of comfort from the fact that I can go pretty much anywhere in the world from London. With about £400 in my bank account, I could fly to Zurich or get the Eurostar to Paris if I chose to. Alas I will only be getting the train back to Newcastle next Sunday - but that's okay too. After seeing one of my best friends in the whole world, nothing will properly be able to rain on my parade.

I also fondly remember the Circa Waves gig I went to back in April whenever I listen to Young Chasers and, as I think about the confetti falling during Tshirt Weather whenever I listen to that track, I try really hard to keep repeating the bridge, "it's gonna be okay", to myself. Music has a really weird way of comforting me. Whether the track is an upbeat song like Tshirt Weather or a slower song like Think Too Much Feel Too Little by Jaws, listening to music really puts me in a good place and I think that's why I refuse to throw out my little metallic purple 2007 iPod Nano and instead take it literally everywhere with me.

Not really having my own space at the minute has proved to be especially difficult for me at the minute, especially when I'm so used to having my own room that I can escape to. I think that's why I look so forward to being on my own with my headphones for about 4 hours next weekend. So when my sister comes into our bedroom I close my eyes and imagine that I will eventually have my own space again, whether it's at uni or at our new house. And, if Picasso is right, everything I imagine will be real.

Although I'm a bit down right now, I hope that everything I can plan and remember in my head is real and that this just gonna take a bit of perseverance on my part to get through it. So having my friends call me for 1hr and 40 minutes whilst I order shit on eBay or talk me through a film is the best thing in the world at the moment. I wonder if Pablo and Kieran would've been friends - although I love both of their styles, I'm not sure they would've totally clicked. I guess that's the beauty of being a third party; you can appreciate both artists and imagine your own little gallery with Le Rêve on the walls and Fossils playing in the speakers and, for you, it is real.