every single song ive listened to this summer

Now the summer is ending and you have to pluck your overgrown eyebrows because you're not doing a quick commute to your Aunty's house clad in a hoodie and jeans; you're being dragged back into university or college or whatever which is outside the house. You also need to start organising your day and sort your body clock out because having 1.5 meals a day and a diet that consists mainly of quavers and Quorn chicken nuggets is actually not that healthy. And now it's time to dig out your headphones and whack that Spotify playlist on (that huge one I always rave about) because you need to do all that work/reading you were supposed to do over the summer when you got given your reading list. 

You can check out my masterpost playlist here on Spotify.

So, over the summer, I've been listening to a hundred and one new artists and albums due to all the free time I've had on trains and in the back of cars and such like, so I thought they could do with some reviewing and recommending for when we go back to school in a few weeks. I've thrown in a few of my favourites so you can have a listen while reading a bit about each artist.


1. The Japanese House

There's some very vague relationship between this artist and The 1975 somewhere along the line because I think that's how I discovered her but, don't be fooled, their sounds are nothing alike. The main thing they may share is their touch of electronic mixes on vocals and their love of keyboards that they put in their tracks. She adds a light electronic sound to her songs which makes her debut LP, Pools to Bathe In, really easy to listen to. Her soft pink vinyl that she released earlier in the year (which I missed and got a white one instead) sounds incredible when played on a Crosley as it creates a soft edgy sound on top of the electronic undertones you wouldn't expect to come from an LP. I look forward to her gig in Manchester which I'm about to book tickets to, as it will for sure be a calmer atmosphere with loads of swaying and gentle nodding, rather than a heavy mosh pit where I fear for my life and my left arm.

2. Gengahr

The best way I can describe this band is if alt-J invested in another couple of microphones and another drum kit. They have similar vocals, yanno that high pitched, whiney sound we've all grown to love, and they have a similar love for they keys like their more famous counterpart - but something about A Dream Outside goes a bit harder. To me, they come from that middle ground that Swim Deep had captured on their first album, but seem to have "swam" too far away from in their new releases. Like The Japanese House, they're quite easy listening and are good for when you're in the bath or getting dressed at 7:30 during the summer hols when your ears are still a little bit sensitive.

3. Jamie xx

After recommendation from a few friends and a really attractive piece of album artwork, I saved In Colour to my Spotify account. There's something reminiscent of the rave scene from the nineties in his music - especially in All Under One Roof Raving, a direct nod to the past and my personal favourite Jamie xx song - and his sound is an ideal mix of house music for people who don't enjoy a mad night out on uppers going on till 4am. It features something that's a bit faster than some other electronic house music in Gosh, and you can almost imagine how he wandered around ripping sounds from old nineties dance records. There are sound effects that's just above that classic horn sound that sometimes rears it's bloody annoying head in dance/house/garage music made in the modern day. Jamie xx is a great artist for people looking for something with an upbeat tempo to wake you up at 11:00, a smidge of something from the old acid/rave scene, but is just downbeat enough for you to listen to on the bus.

4. Drag Me Down by One Direction

I am undeniably biased when it comes to One Direction and, to be totally honest, it doesn't bother me at all. From this track, I think, comes something with more rock influences which allows them all individually and collectively to boast their vocals at their best. What I like most about this record, and the new sound from the fifth album that this song allows us to see, is that there's a heavier more grown up beat that shows how the group has grown since the dulcet tones of Kiss You from their Take Me Home album back in 2012. Three years later, we are presented with something distinctly more grown up that reflects a conglomeration of their musical tastes from their own record collections. Also, six seconds into the video, finger-pinching-emoji.

5. What Went Down

I don't know what else I really expected from this new record as it's filled to the brim with that original Foals sound that fans love. There's the classic build up in most of the songs on their fourth album which has made for good listening when I was driving to Manchester on Wednesday which is quite a long drive. Personally I love a good Foals song that has a huge build up, but it's nice to hear another unhurried, easy sound on tracks like London Thunder where there's a nod to songs like Miami and Out Of The Woods where the band exercises their ability to produce an equally good song at a slower pace. I am so excited to travel to Bristol to go to this gig with my friends, but I do fear for my eardrums a little bit.

6. Get To Heaven

When I tried to download Arc a few years ago I had many difficulties with YouTube converters and such like, so I feel like I missed an album from Everything Everything, but what a way to come back. This album marks the start of their more widespread success after two previous albums which didn't take off as much as this one has, but it's full of great, great songs which deserve their place in the album charts. The early releases of Distant Past and Regret were a good heads up to the more commercial style that they've explored, and ran with, but made their own in their very distinctive way. Of course it wouldn't be an Everything Everything album without a book full of weird lyrics about babies in prams and pharaohs and heaters, but it goes well with the artwork which is an amalgamation of bright colours and abstract drawings. Like any good album, the tracklist goes up and down and up and down again (no one does this as well as One Direction I should mention, which you can read about here) but the good mix of moods featured on the record shows the versatility of one of my favourite bands around at the moment.

7. How Deep Is Your Love, House Every Weekend, and Omen

I am very partial to a good slice of house music and/or garage or whatever kind of music they play at clubs. I'm not, however, a huge fan of the fact that the charts are dominated by one off tracks that are from artists who have conformed to the demands of the market to achieve commercial success, but that's text for another post. I have had these three songs on repeat when trying to get some reading done before I start university in about three weeks because nothing really rivals house or acid music to get things done - which i learnt during study leave. I'm an old Calvin Harris fan, but started to lose touch with him after Bounce was released, although I feel like a bit of an ex girlfriend stalking him on Facebook as I see his chart success. House Every Weekend is a painful reminder of a drunken kiss in a crap club in Colchester, but it's such a good song I continue to play it - even around my family. After watching Disclosure's set at Glastonbury last year I was even more excited about the release of their second album (if that was even possible) because I love the individual stamp they press on each of their records with that clapping back beat. The release of Omen featuring Sam Smith with whom they had huge success with last time, just revived the excitement I had last year for their new album.

8. Circa Waves

I've been listening to Circa Waves for months now since Young Chasers came out earlier in the year. Some pals and I also went to go and see them in London in April and it was a dynamite gig - I got whiplash, Marie got crushed, Tori got lost, and Millie got epilepsy, so all in all it was a great show. I've been listening to this album for months and watched all their sets at festivals through iPlayer and other platforms because they put on a wicked live show - all the confetti when they play Tshirt Weather and blare "it's gonna be okay" is a real 'click' moment where you just know you'll remember what you saw, what you were wearing, who you were with and how you felt for ages to come after that moment. As my time at college and generally being at home for school came to a close, I always thought I'd be itching to move on and just keep in contact with people anyway; but it's knowing you're not going to be seeing them everyday, or even every week, after living in their pockets for two years which makes the whole thing a bit bittersweet. We're all excited to start university and start this new chapter in our lives, but it's really quite sad that these chapters are being written in different counties all over the UK. I now know how Troy and Gabriella felt when they were splitting up for university/college. But this album, for me, wil always hold the nostalgia for my time at college with these people specifically as it's just good indie music - I think Best Years explores this well. For years I've been a fan of indie music starting with Two Door Cinema Club and The Wombats and Bombay Bicycle Club and all them, but as I've grown up my tastes have changed, and Circa Waves are a good reminder of my time growing up as they provide solid indie music which I know I'll always go back to.

(this is Best Years one of my favourites)

ALSO it would pretty much be a crime if I didn't include their insane cover of Ellie Goulding which they did in the BBC Radio One live lounge which is probably one of the best ever live lounges' that has ever been performed to be honest - me and my friends obsess over it.

9. Girls Your Age by Transviolet

The opening of this single is a bit like the creepier version of The Japanese House's music without the electronic twist. I actually discovered this song after Harry Styles tweeted some of the lyrics and a quick Google search led me to the YouTube clip. It was a bit weird to see the views soar from about 600 into the tens of thousands the next day - I'm always surprised to see the power that this band has and it never ceases to amaze me what we've done in the last five and bit years. But anyway, this song sounds a bit like something I imagine Lana Del Rey would produce after she had a really heavy dinner - maybe something stodgy like bangers and mash. I like a bit of haunting music every now and then, especially something like The XX, so after having not heard some "dream pop" (I think that's what it's called) for a while, this song was refreshing to my ears. Going from something upbeat on a good day, to something more gloomy like this record on a worse day, is a good reflection of how music is so versatile and how I have no idea how people live without it or say they "don't really listen to music". Who are you??????

10. Suede

I'm not hugely knowledgeable about Suede or where they come from or whatever, but I am always down for some good old eighties/nineties music. I only just got into this band after recently getting in touch with an old friend and am currently only enjoying a remastered record I found on Spotify; but it's promising. I think if Morrissey was ever happy or owned an electric guitar, The Smiths might have a made a record a bit like this. (I don't mean it Moz, honest) There's hints of something Bowie-infused in the vocals and it's clear to see where they drew their musical influences from after listening to just a couple of songs. If you're a fan of eighties music but don't feel like grating your face off in misery to The Smiths, and want something more upbeat than Just Like Honey, or need something a bit more rock n roll in order to get your room cleaned, or are home alone air guitaring in your underwear after a shower - then this is the artist for you.

today was a busy week for us

The last week, for me, has been filled with a hundred and one events and most of them have been pretty life changing. I've been all over England bettering myself, crying, playing on my phone, reading new books, and boy, has it been a roller coaster.

Late last week I finished The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath after it was recommended to me by a friend (shoutout u changed my life for real), and it brought me to tears because it was such a powerful novel. After reading Plath's Wikipedia page, some of her poetry, and then crying at 00:30; I had a moment of reflection on what the book meant to me. I was really touched by the fact that it had sparked something within me that I haven't gotten from a book in a long, long time and it reignited my love for reading that I felt like I lost for a while. During college, although it's not actually a real excuse, I was distracted from how much I love reading and now whenever I'm in bed or sitting on the living room floor reading, I feel like I'm five years old again as I'm drawn back into the same place I used to escape to whenever I pick up a book. Since finishing The Bell Jar, I now carry Picnic At Hanging Rock around in my handbag so I always have something to do on my forty five minute journey up to Newcastle.

On the topic of metro journeys to Newcastle, after reading Ashton Irwin's touching tweets about depression, and finding out that a) the celebrity man I should hook up with is Chris Pratt (score) and b) Harry Styles and I are meant to be (thanks Buzzfeed) - I was halfway to Newcastle to meet my friend who was also on holiday up north, when I saw THE cutest puppy you will ever see in your life. I was frantically exchanging block caps messages with my friend waiting for me and praying for my 4G to kick in so my Snapchat of the little pup would send. Whenever the metro train came to an abrupt stop at each station, the black Labrador pup would slide a little bit down the aisle in the carrige until its owner pulled it back closer to her feet. It was the most adorable little dog I've ever laid eyes on and I'm not even a big dog person.

After pulling up in Newcastle and gulping down a large tea in Starbucks, I gritted my teeth and went a got another two tattoos. I was crapping my pants to be perfectly honest and how casual and laid back the tattoo artist was, made me so confused until I looked to my side to see my friend just as baffled. I got two tattoos; the first was a small venn diagram, and the second was "BETTER THAN WORDS" both on the top of my left arm.

me faking being confident pre-tattooing

me being sterilised and tattooed whilst contorting my wrist to avoid molesting the tattoo artist

Contrary to popular belief, getting a tattoo doesn't hurt so bad once you sit there for a while. The initial pain is like the heat you feel right on your skin when you get a proper nasty scratch, you know the kind that look like they're about to draw blood. But once you've sent some texts going "yah im getting a tattoo" "yes im in the chair right now" to your friends, and checked Twitter to satisfy your FOMO, it's pretty much over. Obviously this is all dependant upon what you're getting tattooed and where you get it done (lol iya Kati how're your ribs), but my experience wasn't so bad!

this is me all wrapped up having my post-tattoo camomile tea building up to calling my mum and telling her what I'd done

these are the finished tattoos when I took the wrap off and before they started to heal

But my roller coaster of a week did not end there, no way, it was only Monday so the week was only getting started. I filled in Tuesday with prodding around my new tattoos, Wednesday with a nice five hour car journey home and pre-results Wetherspoons (pasta alfredo, chips, and those chocolate sundaes are a dream combination), and then the dreaded results day rolled around on Thursday.

I'd checked UCAS track that morning and felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach when I read that I'd not gotten into my first choice or my insurance choice and was now entered into clearing. I drove to school feeling miserable, picked up my results envelope, and stomped upstairs to the resources room to start going through clearing. The night before I'd seen a few courses on the clearing search I'd liked so I called all SIX of them first only to be rejected by them all. So then I called some universities that my friends rated that I'd never considered and had those doors slammed in my face too. I also called a few other universities begging for a spot only to be turned away again and again. At this point I was ready to take a stroll out the first floor window and onto the concrete slabs below - it could not have been going worse. There were tears and consoling hugs from friends, and when others in clearing secured their offers and had left college to go home, I was really giving up hope. I considered giving up on the idea of university all together until one of the members of staff at college came over to me with a guide in some book with a list of universities that may take me with my grades. I spotted Manchester Metropolitan University (MMU) on the list and, considering The University of Manchester was my firm choice, it made sense for me to apply to the second university in the city. I checked on the clearing search and was amazed to find that they had spaces on a few different courses that I'd be interested in taking. So I called up and they took some of my details and told me they'd call me back. By now I was feeling a bit more optimistic and was happy to not have had them turn me away straight away like the zillion universities I'd called earlier. Eventually they got back to me and offered me a place which I was thrilled with and I could finally breathe after three long, torturous hours in clearing.

So the moral of my story is, you can be in clearing and literally reach rock bottom and feel like there is no hope for you ever again and that there was no point in ever going to school because your entire academic career had built up to nothing - but hold on! I was able to join the thousands of other eighteen year olds out celebrating university places in their local pubs and clubs where twelve hours earlier I was ready to sign up to resit all my alevels. In the car on my way home from college, I received so many messages from friends telling me not to worry because I'd gotten through the worst thing that could've possibly happened and it really was comforting. The importance of having real friends around you is something I cannot stress enough or ever put into words. But if you're reading this, and you know who you are, from the bottom of my heart - thank you. I particularly remember a close, close friend grabbing me in a crowded bar whispering "I'm so proud of you" in my ear at 1:30 that night.

So after my eventful week I can well and truly say that I have ridden the roller coaster of life and come out the other side with all my limbs intact and a university place with my name written on it. Although I wouldn't wish that much stress and worry upon anyone, I hope that if this ever happens to any of you pre-uni kids that you'll have read this and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel even when it feels like Thatcher's closed your very own mine of education. This time last week, I was without a place at university, tattooless anywhere above my ankles, and unaware of which celebrity I was destined to marry - but now I am none of those things and on top of ALL that I cut my hair short and I absolutely love it.

i saw some excellent things last weekend

Last weekend I printed off my train tickets at Newcastle, and headed back down south to see some of my best friends in the whole wide world. Now I'm sure not many people have had their best friend move to the other side of the planet for two years, so not many of you will know how it feels to see them again after so long, but let me tell you - it is the best feeling ever.

Now, it wouldn't be a real blogpost from me if I didn't mention the new One Direction single, Drag Me Down, which is incrEDIBLE (please check it out and maybe even buy it on iTunes that'd be great thanks). So I downloaded it on my phone and plugged in my headphones for my 3 hour train journey. I even managed to fit in some George Ezra and The Smiths too. When my train stopped at York, I saw a man come to the platform to see off, who I'd assume to be, his wife/partner and their young son and as the man ran alongside the train, I sat in my window seat listening to Barcelona with the sun shining on my face and I couldn't help but cry. I don't know if it was the fact that I'd woken up at 6:30 that morning for the first time in a couple of months, or the fact that I was so touched by the scene I front of me; but I definitely cried a fair bit, enough to make a guy putting his luggage into the overhead storage above the empty seat next to me, move to the seat behind. But that's okay really because I wanted my own space.

After I pulled up in Kings Cross and exchanged a series of texts with Leon going mostly "turn left stupid" "no through the gates" I ran into open arms with a great thwack on my back which I was unable to recover from for at least a day. We went for Wasabi sushi which was utterly disgusting and I left it in my friend's bedroom (sorry). I travelled on two trains to my friend's house, and we went for nachos and milkshakes and sat on a bench and discussed feminism and crap H&M tshirts. We also attempted to watch Harry Potter before sticking it on mute and turning off the lamp.

The next morning we headed into London and met our other friend Kati at Liverpool Street even though she was a few carriages back on the same train as us. After giving up forty-fucking-pence to go to the toilet, we travelled on the tube in the opposite direction  to where we needed to go and eventually got off at Piccadilly Circus which I'd never seen before and walked down to the National Portrait Gallery. After passing some stupid street performers and taking some photos, we went inside and I saw some of the best art I've ever seen. I went inside and I was surrounded by Van Gogh and Klimt and Monet and Cézanne and Beuckelaer and it was incredible. I was surrounded by world class art that I'd never seen before and it was really something else to be there. The textures and colours of the paintings, even behind the glass sometimes, made me stare at it for several minutes whilst my friends left me behind in the room. I've never had the chance to see such art first hand and I'm unable to write something fluently about Sunflowers or The Portrait of Hermine Gallia (my favourites of which I saw), but would 10 out of 10 recommend.

After having lunch in Trafalgar Square and watching people cheer for the cyclists passing by trying desperately to get onto the SnapchatLive London story, we headed for The British Museum. We only stopped briefly there to see some Ancient Egyptian, Roman, and Greek exhibits, and also some other cool pieces. We scaled the stairs to the library, only to be turned away by an obnoxious black door denying us entry. After this we sat outside and ate ice cream and waffles and planned what to do for the afternoon. Following some arguing (“I haven’t seen you in two years and this is how you treat me?”) we got on the tube and headed over to Southbank.

I’d been dying for months to see the One Nation under a Groove photography exhibition at the Southbank centre since I’d read about it on i-D, so was thrilled to finally get to see the photos on show. I’m a real sucker for anything about youth cultures of the past so the old magazines on display from the 70s, the insane playlist playing in the room, and of course the photos were a real treat. It was cool to see a load of old vinyls hanging on the walls and a pin-up board for visitors’ notes, a film about music from the 40s through to the late noughties, even a badge and tshirt making station. It was great to have a wander round and we even managed to fit in grabbing a quick photo from their make shift photo booth. I even bought a new book for the long train ride home.

Eventually, after enjoying the London sunset, walking along the side of the Thames, and I think someone bought a book; we got back onto the sweltering tube to head for Kings Cross and Liverpool Street. I was on the other side of London with less than half an hour till my specified–train-only train left Kings Cross for Newcastle when I realised that it was ten past six, and I was beginning to panic a little bit - especially after an empty train pulled up to the full platform, didn’t open any of its doors, and then pulled away. At some point after that, I managed to get out the crowded tube carriage and into Kings Cross. I was then handed a free fab ice lolly by someone working at the train station due to the sweltering heat in London that day, hauled onto the train by Leon, and then I was on my way home.

It was such a good weekend that I will keep in my camera roll forever.  I saw some great art, some great photos, bought a sick book, was overcharged for a bottle of water (classic London), ate a stunning egg and cress sandwich and, most importantly, saw some of my best friends.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

the lunatics are taking over the asylum

I like to think that this is our time. This time around our generation is going to take control of things are we’re going to do it right – unlike our parents and their siblings, co-workers, and friends. I have recently been reading and looking at photos from youth cultures of the past and I’ve been speaking a lot more to the older members of my family and, after seeing some of my friends and comparing our attitudes and lives in general, I like to think that we’re very different and that we aren’t going to follow in their footsteps.

One thing I think that sets us apart from the older generation is the tolerance we have for tattoos and piercings. I read an article on i-D this morning about the popularisation of body modification and it got me thinking (as usual). I honestly think that having tattoos and piercings won’t prevent you from getting a job in the future. As for the near future, I think that there’ll only be a mild tolerance for a small thing on your arm or something like that because we can’t just rock up with full sleeves and be totally accepted – a lot of these things take time. But by the time we reach the top of the career ladders in a variety of jobs, I doubt there’ll be any issues with having a flower tattooed on your forearm. If singers and models can get them and still hold their jobs; why can’t us regular folk have some cool body art too?

With the release of The Diary of Teenage Girl coming out today (7^th August), I like to think there will also be more tolerance of the female form in our future. We have people like Miley Cyrus plastered all over the media and doing naked photo shoots, and I really think that it’ll be just as accepting for women to pose in barely anything for non-sexual motives. If the fucking human form cannot be accepted then what hope do we have for anything slightly more progressive to be in a magazine? Once you get past the fact that, yes, those are her pubes and, yes, she does have nipple tassels on, you really start to look at the photography and it becomes another great photo or piece of art. We can look at Greek statues of men’s genitals and immediately look past the fact he’s naked so I think it’s about time that the same thing happened for women. But I mean, who makes marble statues anymore?

It’s about time that young people my age had more interest in politics. I'm glad to say that many of my friends are all well-educated and know a fair bit about politics and the ones who were of age voted in the election back in May. But the same cannot be said for everyone I know. I think it’s so important for young people to have a vote in politics because the next five years dictate their future. It’s them who are going to be paying more for university, and its them who are going to be affected by changes to housing allowances for eighteen to twenty five year olds – not the fifty five year old parents or the thirty somethings in parliament. I'm not going to say that older people shouldn’t be able to vote (although I have seen several people who believe that), but I think that young people should be taught more about politics and that they get interested in it. They may not be interested or concerned around the time of the election, but over the next five years whilst that party is in power, their views may change drastically and they need to know what's going to happen to them. With the wide coverage that the general election got this year, I think that the path has been paved for young people in politics and that this could be how we get young people involved, especially with it being all over Twitter etc. Furthermore, the existence of independent political zines founded and written by young adults shows that we are interested and that we cannot continue to be ignored in the eyes of the government.

There are loads of other things that don’t immediately spring to mind but also need changing. As I scroll through the Daily Mail headlines, and see posts on Tumblr or Twitter, I could write a huge list of things wrong with the world that I want to change. And others that really, really don’t need to be discussed any further – the fact that racism, homophobia, and sexism are still issues is, for lack of a better word, disgusting. If no one else is going to pick up a pen and write about these problems, or enter parliament and vote for these changes, or take some photos or make a film, how is anything going to change – I'm thankful that our generation seems to have enough intuition (or common sense) to do these things and I look forward to seeing what we’re going to do. I think I’ll start by going to watch The Diary of a Teenage Girl in the cinema.

everything you can image is real

As I lie in my bed at my Nan's house surrounded by Roses chocolate wrappers, I try to remind myself that even though I'm having a tough time right now, things are almost certainly going to pick up. I also try to remember a quote by one of my favourite artists (to be honest it doesn't take much to make it onto my "admired artists" list), Pablo Picasso, "everything you can imagine is real". Although I do feel like a bit of a hypocrite as my iPad wallpaper is current a montage of the cut outs from Matisse's late work.

I look forward to receiving my second hand, worn out copy of The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath in the post and having a good cry. As I near the end of Animal Farm and am unable to reach the rest of my books in storage, I am alerted of my need to read something or see something new because looking up Klimt on Google Images is no longer cutting it for me. Also it's gonna run up a huge telephone bill that I just don't want to deal with. I also want to get the new Harper Lee book for my Aunty who's favourite book is TKAMB but I might have to give it a super quick read before I pass it onto her.

I've also ordered some new make up brushes to try and treat myself a little bit because in the last couple of months I have found that wearing a bit more bronzer or playing about with eyeshadow boosts my confidence a little bit. Buying those brushes just takes me one step closer to fulfilling my true calling of being a makeup artist.

In addition to this I look forward to travelling on the train for about 4 hours next weekend to see one of my best friends that I haven't seen for over 2 years and going to his new house and maybe getting a new tattoo and just being in London. I cannot begin to describe how much I enjoy London and all the culture and art available there. I also take a weird sort of comfort from the fact that I can go pretty much anywhere in the world from London. With about £400 in my bank account, I could fly to Zurich or get the Eurostar to Paris if I chose to. Alas I will only be getting the train back to Newcastle next Sunday - but that's okay too. After seeing one of my best friends in the whole world, nothing will properly be able to rain on my parade.

I also fondly remember the Circa Waves gig I went to back in April whenever I listen to Young Chasers and, as I think about the confetti falling during Tshirt Weather whenever I listen to that track, I try really hard to keep repeating the bridge, "it's gonna be okay", to myself. Music has a really weird way of comforting me. Whether the track is an upbeat song like Tshirt Weather or a slower song like Think Too Much Feel Too Little by Jaws, listening to music really puts me in a good place and I think that's why I refuse to throw out my little metallic purple 2007 iPod Nano and instead take it literally everywhere with me.

Not really having my own space at the minute has proved to be especially difficult for me at the minute, especially when I'm so used to having my own room that I can escape to. I think that's why I look so forward to being on my own with my headphones for about 4 hours next weekend. So when my sister comes into our bedroom I close my eyes and imagine that I will eventually have my own space again, whether it's at uni or at our new house. And, if Picasso is right, everything I imagine will be real.

Although I'm a bit down right now, I hope that everything I can plan and remember in my head is real and that this just gonna take a bit of perseverance on my part to get through it. So having my friends call me for 1hr and 40 minutes whilst I order shit on eBay or talk me through a film is the best thing in the world at the moment. I wonder if Pablo and Kieran would've been friends - although I love both of their styles, I'm not sure they would've totally clicked. I guess that's the beauty of being a third party; you can appreciate both artists and imagine your own little gallery with Le Rêve on the walls and Fossils playing in the speakers and, for you, it is real.

all of my pre-uni fears

After a night of reading almost every article under the university tag on The Debrief at 2am last night, I have realised that I'm worried about a lot more things when I go to university than I initially thought. There are the classic worries such as living off Sainsbury’s basics baked beans for 3 years and being friendless until I leave for the summer holidays next year but, as I lay on my bed last night staring at the ceiling, I came to terms with the fact that I may have a few other fears too.

I might actually get homesick

I’m not so bothered about leaving home and my immediate family because I know I’ll never shake them off even if I tried, but I'm really worried about leaving my college friends behind. Last night I found myself frantically looking at train tickets from Manchester to Durham, Sheffield, York, and London all within a few days of each other, planning one massive round trip to see all my friends in about the second week of October after I’d have been at uni for about three weeks. This is probably my most underestimated worry as I always assumed we’d stay in touch due to the ease of sending a WhatsApp message or a brief 10 minute FaceTime call, but when you’re not seeing each other every day it’s just not quite the same is it? I’m pretty sure we’ll find a way to make it work (especially if I have another night like last night but with the danger of a student loan in my bank account and a rail card in my purse) because I’ll definitely need someone aside from my mum to talk to about the cute boy in the flat upstairs.

I'm really worried about getting lost in a new city and having no one to call and ask

When moving to university, the idea of being in a major city with countless things to do and see is, of course, exciting – but how do you get there? And how do you get back at 1:30am with no prior knowledge of the streets? Living in a little town like Colchester is fine because there are about 2 main streets and your mum can always come and pick you up; but at university you need to know where the taxi ports are, how much money you need for a taxi, where your halls are, and lots of other worrying things. Then again it’s probably not realistic for any student to get a taxi unless they're majorly desperate as there is no money left in my allowance after buying 6 shots, some Hooch, and several beers. Also, as a girl, it’s inevitable that I'm unable to walk home even if it is straight forward and could save me about a tenner, because it’s just not safe for me to walk home at 2am on my own – especially in a big city (even if I am wearing Doc Martens). And just to add to this, I can’t call my new flatmates a little panicky because I lost them in Wetherspoons and am now standing in the street outside pretending I'm fine but with no idea where I am or how to get back to my room. You could argue that it’s best just to hit dial when you’re in that position, but this is university and I'm supposed to be independent and all that, and on top of that I have to create a rep for being the super cool, chilled one in our flat so I don’t want to ruin that by calling someone in the early hours on the verge of tears. Looks like I'm going to have to swallow a bit of my pride at some point this winter dunnit.

There's a chance I’ll slip into a bad place

As The Debrief pointed out, university is a breeding ground for depression. I’ll be pretty much on my own, with money worries, and no food in my belly (I mean I’ll make it look good because my wardrobe will be great and I’ll go all sorts of places, but I’ll also be starving). And this is something I’m really worried about. With my course having fewer contact hours, this means that I’ll have more time to excuse myself to huddle in my duvet with a book or watching something on Netflix on my iPad; but this extended isolation isn’t going to do anything for my social life. I have an idea in my head that my future pals and I are going to go out for £2 largers every other night, but then again if I never leave my flat how do I expect to do that? I’m a little worried about getting in the cycle of not leaving my room and not being able to go to a gig or something that I really want to attend just because I’d be on my own. I don’t really want to be texting my little sister like “ha ha yeah me and the flatmates are in the pub sorry about the slow replies !! [beer emoji]” when in reality I can see her messages as soon as they come through, and then two minutes later when the double alert goes off as it buzzes in the mess of my duvet pretzel I've somehow managed to create by being in bed for two days straight without brushing my hair or changing my knickers.

I also may be penniless and alone for the majority of my first year

I never normally make friends really quickly so I’m, of course, worried about that first of all. But also, if I'm unable to find a job pretty speedily, I'm worried about having money troubles on top of this. Luckily I do have a family who can help me if I get really desperate at that taxi port on the other side of town at 2am, but I’m not in the position where they can pay for me to buy new clothes or do a full £65 shop every week. And on top of that, these are my first steps into adulthood and I want to be self-reliant and not have to depend on people so much. Your social life at uni and your bank account go hand in hand and there’s always the worry that I’ll get tempted by gig tickets or that really necessary trip to London and screw things up. I have no idea how to pre-plan for these things as all the previous articles I've ever read all go “budget your meals!! get a unidays card!! take your own coffee to campus!!” and I think I'm just going to wing it the first term and pray that I can get my shit together by term two.